Cafe de Cupping, Flushing, NYC.
Thinking about your life and your future puts you in a really vulnerable place. But it's a place we have to go to sooner or later. Often when I'm just at home with nothing to do for the day, I end up thinking a lot, sometimes too much. I get anxious about my life decisions, or what I'm going to be doing later on. It makes me unnecessarily nervous, and frankly just freaks me out. Because at the end of the day, I don't really worry too much about things, but in the moment I start having an existential crisis.
Many people don't know, but I struggle with social and general anxiety, quite a lot. In this particular situation, I've been comparing how my life is going to that of others who are fairly successful, or look like they "have it all together." I know as well as anyone that everybody has their own struggles, and not everyone's life is going to look or go the same. But, it's a human, natural response to look at your own life and wonder what you're doing.
I've been coming to the realization that this life I'm trying to pursue is really unconventional for someone my age, and this is just the beginning of the struggle. But it'll all be worth it in the end, because it gets better. Remember guys, don't let the pressure of life and society bring you down. If you don't love what you're doing, stop digging your own grave and start living.
Photo by Kyle.
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I feel the same way, but the best days are when you surprise yourself by having confidence you didnt know was in you. Social anxiety is a very difficult phenomenon to overcome, but I feel like I have come a long way by forcing myself to speak up instead of mulling over the perfect response and having opportunities pass by. It can feel absolutely mortifying when you say something awkward, but it really isn't the end of the world and you learn to forgive yourself in the process.
ReplyDeleteI think you are absolutely wonderful and have come a long way in terms of talking to others and I am so very proud to have witnessed that growth. Keep doing what you're doing and don't stress over social situations. They come and go like leaves in the wind.
Thank you so so much! It's a daily struggle, but I can find rest knowing that everyday that I decide to fight against it and take control of it, I'm taking a small step forward, instead of three steps back. I'm slowly learning about that process of forgiving myself for whatever I start freaking out about.
DeleteI'm coming to terms with, and accepting the fact, that sometimes, it's not a bad thing to be a little cautious when you're in such a big group. Especially when you're not the type to wear your heart on your sleeve all of the time.
Thank you so much for the encouraging words. It really helps motivate me to keep on keeping on.
Whoever you are, you're so awesome, and I only pray the best for you <3
x Kyle